Amen, L.A. Page 21

  “Me neither,” Chad quipped, with an entirely different tone.

  I really didn’t want to get into any more with either one of them. “I’ll see you guys at the car.”

  “Where are you going?” Gemma demanded.

  “Walking. Alone.”

  I picked up my small backpack and started south through the sand, past the make-out couple still at full throttle. When I’d voted, I’d had a sense of what I was getting myself into. But now, as I made my way toward the breaking waves, the enormity of my decision washed over me like the surf itself. I hadn’t had a real conversation with Alex since the accident. When would she get well? Would she even get well? What would it be like when we talked? The note I had left her read God is watching us. What would she think of that? How would she treat me? She could hate me. Her friends did. They had to have a lot of power at my new school. I was in for a miserable time. No doubt about it.

  There were Gemma and Chad. Each of them had ample reason to hate me. Maybe things would improve with them over time. Maybe they wouldn’t. Much depended on what happened with Lisa Stevens—how she would treat them. And much of what happened with Lisa Stevens depended on what happened with Kent Stevens, who was furious with my mother. My mother is a pretty tough cookie. You don’t work as a minister without getting one or more of your parishioners angry at you. But Kent Stevens was no ordinary parishioner. He had a lot of power. How would he use it? If our church back in Minnesota was ready to fire its new minister and rehire my mother, would Kent possibly want to take the same route with my mom? That thought was frightening. Maybe our staying here in Los Angeles wasn’t even up to us.

  There was Sean, and there was Brett. If I was going to be the person I wanted to be, I would have to own the truth with each of them, face to face, whatever that truth turned out to be.

  Those were all daunting thoughts. Just as I’d thought of Mia’s words about faith when I’d made my decision about how to vote, I thought of Mia now. I had to have faith that more would be revealed to me about all those things. That more would be revealed to all of us.

  I stopped at the water’s edge. A few hundred yards up the beach, I could see my mom and dad silhouetted against the setting sun. Their arms were around each other. I marveled at that. They’d disagreed about this decision. Yet they were still together, still in love. I hoped that one day, with God’s help, I could have that, too. Maybe I’d even write a song about it.

  I took out my cell. There were three texts I knew I needed to send. The first was to Sean.

  S—CALL ME IN THE A.M. ABOUT YR TRIP. IMPT. N

  The second was to Mia.

  MIA—MOVIE WED NITE GOOD FOR ME. NAT

  The last one? To Brett.

  BRETT: STILL READY FOR DINNER. NAME THE NIGHT. NAT

  Sent.

  As I looked out at the last rays of the day, the clouds dappled by patches of colors so fluid and beautiful they quickened my heart, I didn’t know if I’d done the right thing in opting to stay. I knew this much, though: I wanted to live honestly. Authentically.

  My cell beeped. I looked at it. A text. From Brett.

  NAT: FRI EVA RESTAURANT, 8 PM. CAN’T WAIT. BRETT.

  I was excited, and at the same time scared to death.

  Sounds a lot like life.